Limerence in ASD

7.26.25

You all know I love looking on Instagram. I've been a bit hyper fixated on following people with autism lately. Partly because I believe have ASD (autism spectrum disorder) and just have never been diagnosed.

As I am watching their videos or swiping through their slideshows I feel like I am in this special club. I am just amazed at the similarities we have. I didn't know that my deep dives were something that most people just don't do. There are other things obviously, but this is just one of my superpowers.

I am bringing all this up because I came across a term I have never seen before that is called "Limerence". What is it? Well, I will tell you. Some autistic people experience LIMERENCE because it is just another hyper fixation or special interest. So instead of the special interest being an object, subject, or hobby, it is a person.

Limerence defined by Dictonary.com is "the state of being obsessively infatuated with someone, usually accompanied by delusions of or a desire for an intense romantic relationship with that person".

In an article by Psychology Today, it reads that "Limerence is a strong feeling of attraction or affection for a person that can be obsessive and may be confused with being in love because of the hormones and chemicals released by the experience. It is often linked to chemical processes and associated with neurotransmitters such as serotonin and dopamine, imbalances of which have been linked to conditions such as OCD, ADHD, and ASD, which is often accompanied by persistent low-level depression (Marotta et al, 2020)."

I had a major crush on an actor back in the days of watching Star Wars. My husband still teases me about it. I was pretty Limerent about Hayden Christensen. I watched all of his movies. Got the magazines he was featured in. It was slightly unhinged LOL. I suppose it made me feel like a teenager pining after some member of a boy band. My limerence is gone now and that is the natural progression of it. You idolize them and then suddenly one day the infatuation vanishes.

I guess if I had to really analyze it, I get that way about some people I follow on Instagram. It isn't necessarily a romantic love. It is just more of being infatuated with how they live or what they do for a career. But again, like all of my limerent experiences, they are fleeting, and they do not last.

I can name a list of burlesque dancers, pin-up models, and pin-up artwork that I have been limerent about. Dita Von Teese, Bettie Page, artwork by Elvgren just to name a few. Burlesque and Pin-up are some of my special interests. Sometimes I become infatuated with singers too. I just can't get enough of their songs or even images of them. But again. Fleeting and cyclical.

Sometimes limerence can cause people issues, especially if it is for a person that they interact with in real life. An unrequited love can be painful. They say limerence begins for a variety of reasons. It is a complex process. Our childhood can affect the way we attach to people, and this plays a role in limerence. If you are an anxiously attached person or if you experience abandonment as a child, you are more likely to experience limerence.

If a person wants to just get over this limerent loop, the obsessive thoughts and emotional rollercoaster that limerence can bring, it is all about focusing on yourself. Shift your hyper fixation to yourself. In the words of Margarita Nazarenko, "Go get hotter". She is a woman who helps women overcome anxious attachment and understands the struggles of being too into their partner because she herself was in this boat. No where in her book did, she ever mention LIMERENCE. However, anxious attachment is linked to it, so it makes sense that her advice and many articles on google suggest that a person suffering from limerence should focus their energy on themselves and their lives.

Get a new hobby

Practice meditation

Exercise

Spend time in nature

Call your friends and family

Now, what if you have two people that are limerent about each other at the same time? Yes, this can happen, and it actually can be a beautiful thing.

This situation could possibly result in a relationship once the mutual limerence is discussed. But you would have to be a brave individual to even bring up your feelings. Otherwise, it will go nowhere. You have to be pretty confident that there is something brewing in that other person. Hopefully you two are on the same page.

Also, if two people have autism, they can have actually a more successful relationship than neurotypical couples. I'm sure there are variabilities obviously. I think it stems from the fact that if you know you are autistic or might have ASD, you can see that possible autism in someone else, and therefore you may have more empathy and understanding for that person's traits and habits. That is my hypothesis.

That is all I have. I hope you enjoyed my deep dive.

Love, Alimoon