7.5.25
Hello world. Sometimes you need a dose of family to really rejuvenate your purpose in the world. They serve as a reminder of how special you are and help guide you towards the light. That is what yesterday did for me.
My mom had a fourth of July gathering at her lake home. It was a day of sweaty heat, sunshine, and flowy conversations. The food was amazing. She did it all herself. I tell you, the ladies in my family know how to cook! We had BBQ pulled pork on Brioche buns, Calico beans, coleslaw, watermelon, fruit bowl (pineapple, grapes, blueberries, & strawberries), donuts, and cake at the end. So yummy we all went up for a 2nd round of feasting.
What was different this year? I was sober. My mom was sober. My brother-in-law was sober. The trifecta. How did this impact my family gathering? I have never talked so much to everyone and felt more connected than this year. I noticed a positive difference in my nieces and their happiness level. It was visual. I can't believe how much my niece Lily has changed and is growing into this beautiful inspirational young lady. Maddy too! So grown up and seeing the world in her job as a daycare provider. She was talking about carrying a 100-pound child on her back during a nature walk. I'm so happy she is so kind and caring and making a difference in the world.
Let's get back to purpose. When you have a dependence on alcohol, you want to quit it, but you also don't want to. You know how much joy it brings you (it has been your best friend), but you also know how shitty it makes you feel. It is a bittersweet relationship. Socially you are encouraged to drink to fit in and feel part of the group. It's hard to say goodbye to it because you feel like you will be the odd man out. Almost not part of the group. The word OUTCAST is a strong word, but you kind of feel like that. The fear that people won't invite you to their drinking party. They won't invite you to the girl’s weekend that is all about MIMOSA's & WINE TASTINGS. It is hard to say goodbye to the romantic ideas of really drug induced connections.
Once you come to terms of saying goodbye to the romantic notions, and you embark on said journey, it is challenging to stay the course. Your intelligent addicted mind always wants you to go back to it. ALWAYS. Once you understand that cravings are fleeting and you remind yourself of WHY you are on this journey, you can stay the course. But it’s those moments of weakness that can pull you back into the dark abyss. The vomit, the laying on the floor near the toilet, the black outs, the disappointing your loved ones, the health problems, the poisoning of yourself and your spirit.
Just one drink. Just beer instead of hard liquor. Just White Claw instead of Double IPAs. Just Saturday Nights only.
Fuck that. Fuck all those rules.
It's time to escape this cage you have locked yourself in and begin to live a life of freedom to explore new things. New hobbies. New relationships. Let's get to know who YOU ARE. The REAL you.
Going sober is difficult at times. I found it was more difficult when I was bored. When I would do the activities, I used to do while drinking. Cooking my Monday night tacos after Oula with a beer in my hand was very difficult to say goodbye to. I would start to salivate thinking about my IPA beer on the ride home from OULA. I knew it was my reward after dance.
When I stopped drinking, I was depressed coming home from OULA because I was missing my reward. It was hard to cook my Monday night tacos. What did I do? I switched it out for mocktails. When that didn't work, I started to work out in the morning taking yoga, changing up my night routine. Now I start dinner early and casually eat with my family and connect. I never think about beer anymore because I changed my routine. That is a little trick. I might go for a night walk as well. You have to disconnect your brains anticipation of reward from a certain activity.
There was a point in my journey that I couldn't even go outside without craving a beer. I equated yardwork and gardening with beer. I would salivate and crave that relief every time the wind blew outside. Now, I have gardened and tended my yard so many times without beer, that I don't have those cravings anymore. I also don't garden till the sun goes down either. Instead, I am in my house enjoying time with my family and not getting drunk on the patio tending to my salsa garden, drinking to an oblivion.
Change things up. BEST ADVISE. You brain associates certain activities with reward. That is how addiction works. BREAK THE CHAIN.
The longer you are away from your addictive substance the easier it will get. Time will heal you. But it takes effort and sometimes the effort seems harder than giving into your addiction. It can be honestly. I have felt that and that is why I always went back to drinking. But once you see that it always ends the same way, you will understand that you will continue to be on this same hamster wheel for all eternity. Time to get off that hamster wheel. How fucking boring. Let's go try something new. Let's train for a 5K. Let's go to the zoo! Let's take a cooking class. Let's walk barefoot in our backyard. TRY ANYTHING!!!! TRY IT ALL. Anything that gets you away from your old ways. Because your old ways do not serve you or your family.
This 4th of July helped me see my purpose. My purpose is to be a beacon of strength. Through my writing and podcasting I believe that I can help people take back their life. If I can do it. So can you.
Love, Alimoon
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