547.5 Days PRESENT

*For podcast listeners, break out your Puffs. I will be crying and if you are the type that cries when you hear people crying, then this is a helpful tip LOL.

6.26.25

Today I am coming in late because my staff pharmacist is leaving town. This is fine by me because I get to dance this morning. Big changes at my work. Our store hours are changing to 9-6. I will be womaning the store on Tues, Wed, Thurs, and Fridays from 9-6 for a while. My staff pharmacist will be just working Mondays at my store and going to another store to make up her hours. This has been very stressful for me because I am a connoisseur of routine. It isn't to say that I can't adapt to change. Transitions are just harder for me. Perhaps it is because I believe I am on the spectrum. The change has caused me days of headaches bordering migraines. My lymph nodes in my armpits are swollen and painful. I haven't been writing or podcasting. I am really a HOT mess. But I am a great actress, so I am really not letting my true feelings show. It's game face all the way at work. But I am tired of not being authentic about my feelings. All of this causes me some cognitive dissonance. I like my fishbowl. I like consistency. I enjoy knowing the people around me. I like familiarity.

With this schedule change I will need to figure out a new workout routine. This is not a permanent schedule change. I will only have to endure this for a short period of time. But my workout schedule is my therapy for anxiety. I don't take medication. I work out. I used to medicate myself with alcohol, which in turn made things worse really. But short term eased my spinning brain and anxiety from the day. When I found out about the schedule change, I contemplated drinking. On my drive home from work I considered relapsing. But the fact that I was 2 days away from my 547.5-day (1 and 1/2 years) sobriety date that I have renamed 547.5 days PRESENT, I didn't. I came home and ate the pizza that my husband so lovingly made for me. He was concerned about my mental health and called me a couple times that day. He knows I may have autism and knows that I am very sensitive to change.

I didn't really want to focus on this change as being negative. This could be a blessing in disguise. Perhaps I do need a change in my life. Hell, we all know this year has been full of changes for me. My husband was diagnosed with cancer in August 2024. I celebrated my 1-year sobriety December 2024, and I am still on this path. I have met a few wonderful people at the YMCA that I consider friends, even though their presence in my life is just at the gym. My scent business is growing. I have a far closer relationships with my kids. I am reading less quit-lit books and moving onto more "LIFEY" style books / philosophy / self-help books. I am far more focused on squeezing the juice out of life now. I have learned that you gotta sip that nectar when you can, because you never know when it will dry up.

I was up late with my son chatting away. I love his new attitude of being bolder in his actions. I am oddly following suit with him, even though we never talked about it. Just in general not being afraid to ask for what you need or talk to whomever you want. Sometimes you have to break the rules in your mind. We cage ourselves into thinking that we can't do things or see certain things. Life is about getting out of that comfort zone or really cage we create and experiencing new and exciting things.

That is all I have. May your day be filled with connective conversations. Gentle dipping of toes into new experiences. Believing in yourself. More physical touch. More hugs, kisses, hi-fives, fist bumps. More gratitude for simple things like seeing bunnies nibble on grass, feeling the rain during a walk, and a smile from a stranger (not a creepy one, a cute one LOL).

Love, Alimoon